holes

All at once it seems everything is a big deal. And then all at once again, nothing seem like it matters. The tipping point for this scale it seems, is .. ?

It’s inching closer to 3 in the morning. I’ve been up many nights before, but this I had spent writing endlessly and frivolously in my diary. And to look back now it seems I wrote at nothing in particular. Funny how it seems so much like an actual object that needed to be adressed up in your head and then how it falls to nothing upon conscious recollection.

Maybe now that I’ve admitted to the foolishness that have kept me awake, that I can perhaps catch some shut eye.

sleep tight everyone
❤

Entry for the future

This is for my future self . If ever comes the day I loose my YT account

Dear self, this is one of your favourite playlist. If you’re reading this from archives, it means adequate time has passed and its time you ought to hit it up again. And hopefully you still find its inspiration for composition as beautiful as you do now

Lacrimosa dies illa

Qua resurget ex favilla

Judicandus homo reus.

Huic ergo parce, Deus:

Pie Jesu Domine,

Dona eis requiem. Amen

And in case your wandering mind has failed you, (then the future me which is you, kinda suck.) here is some solid wikipedia to jot your flotsam mind.

The Lacrimosa is part of the Dies Irae sequence in the Requiem mass. Its text comes from the 18th and 19th stanzas of the sequence. Many composers, including Mozart, Berlioz, and Verdi have set the text as a discrete movement of the Requiem.

 

I. Introitus: Requiem aeternam (choir with soprano solo)
II. Kyrie (choir)
III. Sequentia:
– Dies irae (choir)
– Tuba mirum (solo quartet)
– Rex tremendae majestatis (choir)
– Recordare, Jesu pie (solo quartet)
– Confutatis maledictis (choir)
– Lacrimosa dies illa (choir)
IV. Offertorium:
– Domine Jesu Christe (choir with solo quartet)
– Versus: Hostias et preces (choir)
V. Sanctus & Benedictus:
– Sanctus (choir)
– Benedictus (solo quartet and choir)
VI. Agnus Dei (choir)
VII. Communio:
– Lux aeterna (soprano solo and choir)

Lacrimosa dies illa

Qua resurget ex favilla

Judicandus homo reus.

Huic ergo parce, Deus:

Pie Jesu Domine,

Dona eis requiem. Amen

Which translates to:

Full of tears shall be that day

On which from ashes shall arise

The guilty man to be judged;

Therefore, O God, have mercy on him.

Gentle Lord Jesus,

grant them eternal rest. Amen.

Personally you’re not religious. But you like to believe that its a musical mass for the repose of the souls of the dead. Because that’s what requiem is. Okay now, you may proceed to the next post the now me has written whilst your ears bask in the familiar old sound. Yes you’re welcome!

unintended

And then he said:  ” let me take a picture with this uh bike and pretend its mine” and then all 3 of us laughed because you’re 13hrs from home with your principal and this is as good as it’s gonna get ! (no actually it got tons better and funnier and I just miss it dearly)
Ireland twilight
From a bus ride.

Picture of a group of tourist, by a tourist (me)
Outside AnneFrank House Museum
sigh loved it!! Definitely not to be missed if you every drop by Amsterdam.
Yes, its the actual house preserved and turn into a really really good museum!And that could have been so much better if i actually owned a DSLR.
😦
To think of all the high quality footage and pictures that I could have taken if I owned an actual dslr. Don’t know how people afford that shit, not owning one pains me as I think about all the pictures I could’ve taken.

woah.

 

• The Conference
• Meeting the minister, being on Ireland news  (!!) and shit *~*
• My friends/the dinner
• #occupy movement
• footages (i still don’t know how to upload onto my blog without having to put it in a YT account D;
• Coming home 😦

Can’t wait to blog and sift through all the pictures next week on the september term break ! Didn’t actually intended to blog about ireland/amsterdam so randomly. Came here with another agenda in mind, wanted to insert a picture and got distracted by this Ireland folder. Too much life experience and memories in there, couldn’t resist a few uploads!

Never had a better week than the one I’ve had there since.

Therefore my life is either a. pathetic or b. it really was that good.

mm.

 

record

Had a spicy hot bowl of noodle soup with lard (lard makes everything soo yummy) and soya beancurd at Old Changi Airport hawker before spending the whole afternoon mostly with Cheryl, Jason, and my sister at Kallang. Cheryl the hamster baked us vanilla cupcakes with chocolate center fillings ^~^ They tasted as sweet as the girl.

Practiced some because my lessons were gonna start again this Friday (!!! ) and I was terribly rusty. I seem to have no muscle memory at all ! This is also true for indian dance haha . Together we went and took a visit at Shine Korea to grab some snacks during re-surfacing time. Headed back up and fooled around quite abit with the hockey guys and peyton ++ before getting back to serious business

I treasure my Kallang sundays too much. sigh, if only life outside of the rink can be as controlled and perfect. Drove up to my Godparent’s place for dinner before the 50min car ride home. Nothing like some godmother lovin’ before the start of another week.

Lots to think about, but very grateful for the momentary suspension of life whilst socialising at the rink. Haven’t seen Gracia and Natalie proper for quite awhile 😦 Loving everybody I meet there, It’s honestly the perfect snow globe.

Loveliest Sunday afternoon in a long time.

mindlessly on

Pretend for a second that you are  just standing on plain white solid ground that stretches into meeting horizons all around you. It’s not creepy. You’re not completely in fantasy, your feet can feel the vibration of voices reveberating through the ground beneath and in the distance you can see big figures and an array of objects. But within your viewing radius, nothing but the cool solid white.

I imagine that’s how it must feel like to be a spider on the wall. I would like that privilege

So today I spend 4 hours in the gallery painting staring intensely at parts of myself. It’s not like people would voluntarily sit for me to paint. I have so many self-portraits (in charcoal, graphite, chinese ink, lino cut, and on canvas) it’s becoming quite the creepy collection. I like it though. The diving headfirst inward. Been really into abstract lately. Unknowingly did a fauvist abstract portrait with the palette knife last last week and now i’m hooked.

For my second canvas, I divided it into exactly half and began hacking away at myself. Portraits are f-u-n (ish). It seems each time I sit before myself my features seem to change. But then again on a whole, they don’t really look all too different at all. mm. Ms er seems to enjoy dissecting the ’emotions’ within each. Honestly everytime I sit, I have no clue what it is i’m chasing until I’m done.

Been really hating on listening to music while I paint lately. They alter my moods and makes the portrait wonky and lopsided. So I borrowed music from Will, (music I don’t know) just to fill the space in my head. I really ought to get earplugs. The sound of the brush grazing the canvas annoys me so. (when I paint. But I LOVE listening to other people paint)

I am so anal about noise. I need to be in a completely muted and movement free environment. I blame my short attention span and heightened sense of everything. I’ve become so conditioned to crossing the roads by ear lately that I don’t even look up to check ‘just to be sure’ anymore. I take life too much for granted.

sigh.

I’d wanted to paint till 7pm but then music from the centre stage just kept streaming into the gallery. It came to the point where it was so softly playing and yet loud enough to take my attention away from the canvas that I went ahead and snuck up back to watch Talented individuals rehearse. Sitting in the dark alone is very empowering. And then decided I wasn’t going to get anymore painting done so I packed up and left for dinner.

Having food in my system never fails to pick me up. To eat is to live and to live is to eat. That’s probably the only ‘life philosophy’ that I never once found a reason to dispell. Too bad my hearty appetite burns my wallet. Last week alone on estimate I’d spent $70 on food. What with Macs and upsizing and adding a la cartes and om nom nom nom . The school cafe should serve bigger portions/ cheaper hotdogs. Small amounts really add up. Plus I bring my own lunch box. What is this.

Need to tame my monster chomper of a stomach hahaha and not spend $$ at every break 😦

Till I have more money to buy more food, eat well and cheaply ! ^~^

white lies.

Strangers: “Are you the photographer for these works? “

“yeah”

“well I think you’ve done a really great job. Fantastic yeah. Brilliant, good job good job”

“your parents must be so proud”

“yes, they are”.

I can almost feel myself have a (beat.) moment

The white lies I tell to my teachers, friends/aquintance never made me question what I’m protecting with my lies like the ones I tell strangers. Maybe it’s because of the way they seem to like me and my thinking of never seeing their face again. Or maybe they were the ones who drew the final straw.

Well this ends in 2 days, I can chug this supposedly celebratory moment of my life behind me and never talk about it again. Thank you for your support for the last 26 days. Friday night in the car clarified questions I didn’t know I had. Truth being way harsher than I’d known previously, it’s a good thing I have my white lies.

I know I’m not lying for you. They are for me, for me who no longer need to be busied with fighting for my place in your life. Everything else is mandatory until I turn 21.

Also, your ugly secrets are safe with me.

The ‘safe draft’ habit

… and then you hit the “Save Draft” button. The posts where you don’t know if you want it up, but they are important to you enough that you don’t delete them. Anybody else a victim of this?? I have over 20 drafts. I am a terrible, terrible blog keeper.

I don’t usually blog about my day to day life, only things that are worth documenting and things I think my 40yr old self would genuinely want to remember ! This post is one of them.

So this Sunday is special because 1. I didn’t get to hit the rink 2. It was a regular family day

(These are things I usually miss out on Sundays. The one special day-off from skating has allowed me to observe how food magically turn up in the refridgerator at home and more lol )

1. Woke up bright and early @ 830am wanting to hit kallang by 10am but my sister wasn’t up for it and dad sounded reluctant to send one child over and ugh okay stay home sunday sounded good so I went back to bed till 11am

2. There was no yelling or shouting or criticizing or anything that normally goes on, I spent a total of 4hrs with my dad (which is the most I’ve ever spent this year ) and it was regular regular. Like peaceful mutually respecting normal regular family regular. (!!!) amazing or what.

Okay so this Sunday begins with a big hearty brunch of hawker food and soya bean milk 🙂 Then we went fruit shopping for the week and it was pleasant because I got to make alllll the calls. My mum basically let me pick out whatever I wanted and the uncle was just feeding me samples.

Afterwhich we headed to drop mother off at Orchard because she needs to get her hair done.

Then to grocery shopping. Father made the familiar drive back to King’s albert park (the best Mcdonalds branch outlet everrr) It was a very nostalgic trip for me because I used to go grocery shopping with my parents there every weekend when I was younger. I also especially love how cold storage smells. I think it was the smell upon entering that is most triggering more than the place itself.But here’s the bad news to anyone who has a history with kap>>> Click here (don’t worry it’ll open in a new tab! )
Also, the ice-creams were on a sale so we bought 3 tubs of Andersons for only $19.90 :O !!! *insert giant shameless grin* 😀

Then I got home, unloaded the groceries and sunk into a wonderful afternoon nap ! Jane’s boyfriend came over for dinner in the evening. Expectedly when father cooks, we feast. This time it was a plate of Soba, lamb steak, scallops with asparagus ( omg my asparagus craving finally resolved) , portebello mushroom with seasalt and butter, Salad with peach and olive oil lemon dressing and Ice-cream for dessert ! Needless to say I helped myself to a big cup ! Of course I couldn’t chomp on everything like everyone else because of the new adjustments my orthodontist made but I ate through the pain nonetheless !

I know of many whose Sundays are just like this and maybe more. But I don’t spend even a minute with my parents or have peaceful days with them ever, so this Sunday is one worth documenting. I might just be a little overly sentimental but good times with my family are sooooo hard to come by. Or at least I consider this a good time. Being regular for a day feels great.

Also, the lack of promised post over the 4 day weekend is just a show of how much fun I’ve had in real life hahaha.Now i just gotta rush my assignments and pack my bag before heading for bed. Have a great week everyone !

negative nancy or

(in lieu of my falling sick I’d wanted to title this post “Sick Sally” but my mother’s name is Sally. So I thought of Sarah but I know of 3 Sarahs. You can see how it would be awkward, so yeah…  )

The last 2 weeks and a half had been excrutiatingly terrible ( to make emphasis, I’m still up and it’s 5:42am )  and hence the lack of post.  But I have a 4 day break starting this Thursday and I have some posts floating about my head that I’ve been meaning to document ! Aside from the lousy quick post I’m currently rambling on about, I actually have something small to document:

My teeth ! Actually now that I’m looking at it, it’s quite strange how I actually look quite like a girl-girl here. I’m growing up faster than I can recgonise myself lol.  At this point I have been putting up with braces for close to a year. People like Natasha I know for one, doesn’t really give a rats ass about her braces (HAHA).

Personally, it’s all I’ve ever wanted since all my baby tooth fell out. It’s not very pleasant being known as the “vampire” through your childhood. Especially not since Twilight and the Vampire craze that entails ! Of course nicer people called it the Dinosaur tooth.

Okay I kid you. The real reason I wanted braces was because I hated the attention that my quirky little tooth gets. I’m just really glad it’s no longer going to be the first thing people notice about me.

Looks like it was taken with a potato doesn’t it..  I really hope they don’t pay those people who design/make these built-in webcam. They could really cut budget if they just have them fired lol. If they get paid, I hope it’s in potatoes too. A potato for a potato.

p/s: Anyone knows how to upload a video onto a blog without going through YouTube first please tell me. I’m a rock when it comes to tech. I have videos I would love to share ! 🙂

Till I blog again, Eat well ! ^_^V